A Life That Wasn't
by Black Bunneh
Summary: Being revised.
1. Holding onto Consciousness

**Uhm, I can take extreme flames since I know I'm really bad at writing fan fictions. (Tell me something I don't already know.) This is also my first. It's kind of a plot-less blob of nothing at first and I can see if you think it's boring, but I want to gain experience. I'm thinking of making this a pointless blob of nothing until someday, inspiration hits me, or hides in the bushes outside my house. As I'm writing this, I also realized Raito is so out of character and I made L talk too much. O.o**

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What little light and warmth that shone every summer morning in Japan was starting fade again, leaving sidewalks cold and trees musty. The fog that comes through Japan every trans-winter made the few buildings lining the street a washed-out shade of grey against a delicate blue sky. But the weather didn't matter. Back-to-school day was a tradition for Sayu and Misa- and sometimes if they were lucky, some amount of coaxing, whining, and begging could get Raito and L to come along.

The ground was starting to get slick from the light snow.

"Hurry Raito, hurry L! You're going to get wet!" Sayu chanted. Raito frowned and jogged faster to catch up with Sayu only to remember that he was chained to L. L only sighed and made a lazy attempt at rolling his eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with these guys?" Raito mumbled under his breathe. Sayu was quick to jump at any malicious comments.

"Raito, what's wrong with YOU?" Sayu asked, furious.

"Sayu, school is boring. I don't see the fun in it and besides, everything is so…easy."

"You guys, shut up already." Misa groaned. Sayu glared at her and opened her mouth to say something when they heard a bell ring in the distance. Bewildered, they all walked faster.

Mrs. Kiselle, their new teacher jabbered endlessly about practically nothing. Sayu eagerly scribbled down notes while Misa was doodling on her hand and Raito and L were already half way home.

"Yagami-kun, why did I have to come?"

"…"

"Raito, are you listening?"

Raito looked at his feet for a long time. He slowly shifted his gaze over to L and mulled over the suspicious question.

"You didn't have to come you know." Raito said finally.

L chuckled slightly and rattled the chain for effect.

"No thanks. The probability of you being Kira is 40 now." Raito cringed.

"_I'm up by 1 today. What did I miss?" _

L glanced over at Raito and looked for some sort of reaction and got almost nothing except perhaps a slight twitch of the hand. Ryuk was giggling madly behind Raito. Suddenly, he had the urge to turn around and glare Ryuk right into the ground. L caught Raito looking behind them over and over with a look of revulsion.

"Raito-kun, are you…afraid of stalkers?"

"What? No. It's just there's an annoying noise." Raito emphasized on the noise. L frowned.

- - - - - - - - -

"Sometimes, when you have someone chained to your wrist, you kind of forget. It's like having an eye patch. It's so obvious the first day, and the second you can't feel a thing." Raito complained. Matsuda smirked and sauntered off.

Raito had ran a little too fast and dragged L a foot or two on the cement. L poked curiously at the bandages on his arm. Raito sticks his head in timidly.

"L, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it was an accident Raito-kun."

"Are you okay?" Raito inquired, hanging his head in shame. L looked peculiarly at Raito's face and for once, he saw a flash worry.

"Mhm, I'm fine, it was only a minor abrasion." L started chewing on his thumb again.

"Oh." Raito's eyes focused on the messy tangle of a chain under L's chair.

Raito turned on his heels and ran out of the room looking distraught. L cocked his head to one side and couldn't help chuckling. L also suddenly noticed the chain in a pile under his chair and had a vague idea why Raito had dashed out in a frenzy.

"Oi, you! Get back here! Matsuda, stop Raito!" After a few moments, Matsuda, of course, is clueless, and runs in flailing his arms wildly and was beyond bewildered.

"Raito isn't in the building, Ryuuzaki!" L, who was slumping before, suddenly jerked up.

"_What was he thinking…?" _

Raito didn't stop sprinting until he reached the bakery on the corner of the street. He stopped to survey his chaffed wrist and wondered if he did the right thing.

"_I ran didn't I? I'm supposed to feel free, but I don't. Is…this guilt? What's happened to me?" _Raito looked at his reflection in the shiny window of the bakery. Wary, bored, excited, worried, scared, all in one face.

"I thought I'd find you here Yagami-kun." Raito whirled around at the sound of his name.

"_L, I am-"_

"_Kira, I am-"_

"_-Justice!_

- - - - - - - - -

**I'm not going to beg for a review, but that'd be nice, thank you. Next chapter must go deeper into my plot-less plot.**


	2. Ying and Yang: Kira or Not?

**Er, let's see, last time we left off, Raito was caught at the bakery by a mysterious character. Anyways, here we go, most of it is about Raito dreaming. I…really want to rush into the main part of the plot so bad, because as I was writing this, I got an idea!**

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Raito's eyes widened for a moment. Silence. Raito finally regained his composure and acted aloof, as if nothing happened.

"L, what are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Yagami-kun, you just ran out on us." Raito's face fell in what seemingly was shame. With a swift movement from L, Raito was unconscious on the sidewalk. Several people stopped briefly to watch.

"…Is he dead?"

"No, he is simply unconscious."

- - - - - - - - -

_Raito held a hand up to his head and found himself in a white room with four walls and a window looking into another room. He held his breath as he slid off the gurney._

"_A…gurney? What am I doing here?" Raito stumbled over to the window and when he finally pulled himself up to the ledge, he fell back in fright. _

"_Another…me, only he's different…" His eyes glanced back to the Raito in the other room, it was spacious, unlike the room he was standing in. And different this Raito was, I guess you could say, this dream was like Raito's ying-yang standing. The darkness closed in._

"_No! Get away! You're not me! You aren't Kira! I am! NO!"_

- - - - - - - - -

Back in reality, Raito was painfully dragged back to the hotel by Matsuda and L. He now laid quietly with one wrist securing fastened to the bedpost.

"Yagami-san, Raito-kun tried to run away, we have no choice but to-"

"You tied him up like a dog!" L didn't even look up, he simply said: "We have no choice." Frustrated, the older Yagami turned on his heels and stamped away. L was busy typing about god knows what, when he heard Raito. You couldn't even call it heard. It was more like a whisper.

"-No…Kira…I-stay away…no..." It startled L so much, his fingers froze above the keyboard and slowly he turned around to face in the direction of the bed.

Once again, Raito whispered: "No… the death gods- they…Kira…you aren't…I am…no…"

L blinked again.

"Raito-kun, are you awake?" No answer. L shrugged and went back to typing.

"_Probably just a nightmare."_ L thought.

"_L, I am-_

"_Kira, I am-"_

"_-Justice!"_

- - - - - - - - -

**Sigh, no reviews yet. I'll keep writing though for myself. No, I'm not self-centered, just extremely bored with nothing to be but write for my own benefit, of course, if I'm uploading my stories, I'd want to share it with you. This chapter was really short but, I'm just out of ideas. Feel free to poke me suggestions as I am grateful for anything right about now.**


	3. Kira Conspiracies

**Heh, one review. I'm having a happy moment. –Awkward silence- Okay, anyways, in this chapter, Raito basically talks to…well himself while L is struggling with a lead that could potentially be fatal. **

**A Warning: Sometimes, I get really bad mood swings. Then I write, and so, sometimes my writing is effected by my mood swings. Sorry if I sound depressed one day and the next day, I'm hugging you. ;D**

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_Raito broke out in a cold sweat. Which was never often by the way, a clear reminder of how "scared" he was. But of course, this is Raito we're talking about, and scared to him has a different meaning._

- - - - - - - -

"L, Raito looks flushed." Matsuda observed. L raised an eyebrow and took a fleeting look.

"He has a fever." L mumbled with cake still in his mouth.

"What?"

"Matsuda, would you be so kind as to fetch a thermometer?" He swallowed the rest of his cake and turned his attention back to the Kira fan sites. His eyes immediately zoomed on to the last sentence in what appeared to be a note, praising Kira and his good deeds: "I know L's real name. I, however, also know who you are, Kira. Find a way to reach me. –Mayagi Taroi"

L loosened the grip on his fork. He fished around for some time in his pants for a cell phone.

"Watari, could you track someone through a fan site? Yes, it's the one I'm looking at. I see it too. Is there any way to trace who wrote that? Oh. Yes, good. Thank you." L snapped his cell phone closed and couldn't help but feel a bit hopeful inside.

"…Kira…Ryuk…dead…those…I…" There was something wrong with Raito but L really couldn't care less. He'd finally found a lead.

- - - - - - - - -

"_I am Kira." The figure extended a hand; evidently, this guy had no idea there was four inches of glass in their way. Raito splayed his fingers out across the glass and looked carefully at himself._

"_I…am Kira. I am you." Raito tried to sound confident. The figure didn't even flinch. Silence. It seemed forever, perhaps "Kira" was thinking. Gravely, he answered: "You may be me, but you are not Kira."_

_Raito wanted to answer, but his mouth felt so dry. His lips moved, but no voice came out. He couldn't imagine why he was so "scared" of himself._

"_No, I…I am Kira!" His voice came out cracked and high. Kira put a finger to the glass, and flicked it lightly. Glass shards flew everywhere. Raito's first instinct was to jump out of the way, but instead, he was so shocked, he stood there and was engulfed in light and glass. He closed his eyes._

- - - - - - - - -

"Raito, what did you say? What did you say?!" L was gripping Raito by the collar and shaking the noodles out of him.

"Ryuuzaki, I don't think they have ther- what are you doing?!?" Matsuda pulled L and the starting-to-wake-up Raito apart.

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**If you didn't understand it…well, you know how sometimes Raito kind of mumbles things when he dreams? In this case, he said something that probably scared the crud out of L. Anyways, reviews are always welcomed and next chapter will be out when I can find free time. The finals (School.) are coming! -Insert Jaws Theme here.-**

**Note: I didn't edit this one much, you are basically reading raw, the untouched, straight from the printer edition. I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I try to fix them while I write but sometimes, mistakes get past the spell check, me, and the grammar dude.**


	4. Runaway Hate

**You guys will be happy to know that I've taken what everyone said into consideration and is currently trying hard to do all this:**

**Slooow down.  
Explain more.  
No more plot turns.  
Make longer chapters.**

**Note: QUOTES in _ITALIC _are thoughts. SECTIONS in_ ITALICS& (PARENTHESIS_) are dreams and/or flashbacks, it will be labeled. There are also scene dividers for a reason. I have also LABELED these dividers. **

**-Points to the dotted lines.-**

**- - - - - - - - - Kira Investigations Office- 9:21 A.M.**

Matsuda sighed.

"Honestly, Ryuuzaki, what were you doing?" L squirmed uneasily in his chair but remained silent. The pair continued to blink and stare. After a while, their straight, edgy posture morphed into bored slouches. But neither wanted to give up, even though both acknowledged that this "game" was absolutely ridiculous.

"…Matsuda…"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"…If it's any consolation, Raito was admitted to a hospital."

"Oh…good…I heard Yagami-san is visiting so I'm going to go. Wanna come? Misa and Sayu are going too."

L considered the offer.

"_Why did Raito say he was Kira? Should I go? Is Matsuda involved too?" _L re-examined Matsuda.

L shrugged and figured it couldn't hurt to investigate a bit more. "I don't see why not."

"Great!" Matsuda grinned, "I'll wait in the car!"

**- - - - - - - - - Outside Police Station: 9:56 A.M.**

L opened the car door and expected to see only Matsuda but remembered he mentioned something about Misa and Sayu too.

"Ryuuzaki?" The girls both blurted out in unison. Sayu glared at Matsuda.

"You didn't say he was coming too!" Misa groaned. Amused, L climbed into the car and seated himself between Matsuda and the right door. Of course, he was in his signature position; knees up to his chest.

"Wah, Ryuuzaki! Sit properly! How many times have I told you?" Sayu wailed. L clenched his teeth. He was getting irritated, but still desperately needed to question Sayu. Instead, he smiled sheepishly and lowered his feet.

**- - - - - - - - - Hospital 10:16 A.M.**

L let his hand rest on the car door handle. He couldn't bring himself to pull it. His mind was caught somewhere between shock and disbelief.

"_If I knew Raito was Kira, why am I so surprised?" _

Sayu and Misa were already opening the hospital's front doors and Matsuda was impatiently banging on the car window.

The glass muffled Matsuda somewhat, but nonetheless, he could make out the words: hurry, Ryuuzaki, and gone. L scrolled down his window, held his face as close to Matsuda's as he could, and nonchalantly replied: "Matsuda, I_ will_ be there in a minute." He scrolled his window back up and watched Matsuda gloomily storm away.

**- - - - - - - - - Raito's Room 8:05 A.M.**

Raito slowly leaned back into his swivel chair. It was a few hours since he had gotten out of the hospital. Of course, not properly; in his condition, they would have never let him out. He checked his watch.

"_In an hour, visitors are allowed to enter…that's not enough time. Mom, Dad, Sayu, Misa, and Matsuda will come, it's a fact. What about…L?" _Raito, being the cautious person he was, always wrote down names for a few weeks ahead, just in case of emergencies…such as the one he was experiencing now. What he hadn't counted on was the fact that he was sent to the hospital right on the day his preparations expired. Unprepared, he struggled home.

Flicking through the news channels for new criminals, he leaned back farther. All of a sudden, he dropped the remote. Not out of surprise or anything; he just dropped it.

"Wow, talk about ataxia." He mumbled as he bent over to scoop it up. It made a pretty loud "thump", seeing as his floor was hardwood after all. Hopefully, the rest of his family was either asleep or too worried to notice.

He held a cup to the light noting that his hand was struggling to hold the cup up, other then the fact that his arm twitched. He swayed a little but was currently holding a stable posture.

"Okay, well, I looked at my report and it seems I was sent here on a fever, and they tested me for drugs…etc, etc… but why and how did I get a fever? I was fine when- _Holy. Shit." _As if Raito's situation was bad enough, he remembered. And no matter which way he looked at it from, he couldn't see a way to mentally console himself.

He choked out the words: "I can't…believe…L…pwned me."

**- - - - - - - - -**

**Comments:**

**Black Bunneh:** Haha. I realized I was being too serious. So, yay for the strained humor! ;) I also promise a chapter by 2/14/07. :)

**Grammar Dude: **Ya, it's fine. Honestly, I think it needs to be longer.

**Acorn Man:** OMG OMG OMG! I get a comment space! I feel so loved. :D


	5. From an Open Hospital Window

**I realized, I DON'T NEED TO MAKE SENSE WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH THE MIND. Just like Ergo Proxy. Didn't understand a thing.**

**This is the last chapter, it's going to be open-ended. I'm sorry to everyone who was reading. I'll just do a quick summary of everything at the end. I look back at this fanfic and I just wanna…barf. It was my first but sadly, I don't think it was that great.**

**- - - - - - - - - Hospital 11:13 A.M. **

L had his head in a hand, quietly strumming his fingers across the corner table in the waiting area. Honestly, L only wanted to question Raito. _"But since he's gone now, there's no point for me to stay here." _Everyone was worried, but L knew better. Raito wasn't the kind of person to leap before they looked. Out of the group sitting in the waiting area, Misa seemed the most…panicked.

"Miss! Have you seen him?! He's my boyfriend! He was here, Misa knows it!" Misa impatiently dangled a picture in front of a nurse.

The nurse nervously inched away and shook her head. "N-no…I haven't…" Misa's face fell and she ran off to find another nurse to harass.

Sayu was pretty depressed too. "Ryuuzaki, do you think Raito's okay?" She sighed.

L put a thumb to his lips. "Yes, Raito-kun should be okay. He's not one to carelessly run away."

"What do you think? About the Kira case…why…are you going so far to arrest Kira? He's killing criminals, isn't that a good thing?" She didn't look at him, she looked like she was daydreaming.

"Justice, that's why. The executions of criminals should be left to the law. What Kira is doing…is _murder_."

Sayu ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, you're right." There was a moment of silence; even the busy hospital seemed quiet for a moment. Then Sayu spoke up.

"Do you really think Raito is Kira?"

L wondered whether he should tell her or not. He decided he would act upon the opinion of the argument in his head.

"_What are you doing? You can't tell his sister this, it'll crush her."_

"_I'm supposed to keep emotion out of this. I have to tell her, it's her right to know."_

"_She's depressed; Shouldn't the feelings of others come before business?"_

"…_Stop…I'm going to tell her, besides her father already knows, what harm will ensue if Sayu knows too?"_

"Sayu, I…don't want to think Raito-kun is Kira, but he's the only lead we have."

"I see…" She sighed. "Well, where do you think he went?"

"I don't know." Sayu opened her mouth to say something but was stopped by Misa. She skidded in yelling and waving.

"A NURSE! SHE KNOWS! SHE KNOWS! MISAMISA IS SO HAPPY!!" Sayu jumped almost a foot in the air. L frowned. _"Now what does she want?"_

"Misa, slow down and tell us what you know."

Misa took a deep breath. "Misa asked a nurse! She said that Raito left an hour ago. Misa is relieved! Misa thought Raito was kidnapped!"

Only she spoke so fast that it sounded kind of like: "MisaaskedanurseandshesaidthatRaito-kunalreadyleftanhourago, ohMisaissorelieved! Raito-kuncouldhavebeenkidnapped!"

Sayu scoffed. "Who'd want to kidnap Raito?"

"_Raito's whereabouts are painfully obvious, as always. I know more then you think, Yagami Raito."_

**- - - - - - - - - Yagami House 11:13 A.M.**

"_Uh-oh."_ Raito was starting to lose consciousness again. His thoughts were wavering; he couldn't think straight. His power was eluding him.

"_Don't make me go back there…" _Raito was out of options, his vision was starting to fade. He bit his fingers open hoping the pain would bring him back. With tired eyes, he watched his blood seep into the boards next to his desk.

Ratio's breathing slowed incredibly. Then he remembered something that Ryuk had told him a long time ago. Something about people possessed by death gods are embraced by misfortune.

"Would I believe it?" He passed out as the sound of sirens blared outside his window.

**I actually finished my first story. I've never finished anything. No motivation. This is going down in my journal. –Scrambles off  
**

**You can't imagine how many times I revised this to make it even near "okay".  
**


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